Discipline, take one

Brick walls speak to me. Most likely because I've walked into them time and time again. I'm not sure why I have to learn everything the hard way, but I'm stumped to recall an easy life lesson.

I hate being disciplined for any reason, and I hate the fact that I lack a lot of discipline in many key areas of my life. This summer, God really decided to confront this quality in me. I have had a crazy year, staring with work in January, and I was looking forward to summer.

The previous summer is a blur as baby Jared came home with us in May of 2005. With his infancy mostly behind us, I was looking forward to having a little more control over my life. Yeah, I'm a control freak, too. Discipline and control are too closely related for my comfort. I think it takes a lot of discipline in my life for me to give up the control I seem to desire at every turn.

The need for control fights with my heart's desire to wak more closely with God.

I need God in my life. I have learned this lesson one brick wall at a time. When I get stressed, however, I tend to flee (lack of discipline). When problems come my way, I search MY brain for ways to fix them (need to control).

So, what happens when a family member becomes diagnosed with cancer or another one risks losing custody of her son? Well, all bets are off. (In addition to that sentence containing a question, which I rail against in my writing classes, it also contains a cliché. Oh, well. I love being able to make and break the rules).

God gave me a purpose in life, and it takes a lot of discipline to discover what it is. Daily Bible readings have helped me focus my attention to God's word; a weekly Bible study in our home takes me through the 40 Days of Purpose campaign; and God is not just using these tools to convict me. I hear calls to get more sleep, eat better, exercise more, spend quality time with my kids and husband and then there's always saving the world. Even maintaining frienships takes discipline. It's all around us, and I am beginning to fear there is no escape.

Only there is: Get with the program, Regina. (I'd say stop whining, but I find whining to be one of my favorite pasttimes. It's not that I think I'm not blessed because I am incredibly so, but I still like to whine.