the doctor's office

Jared and I have spent a lot of time in the Doctor's office lately. I do with this were not so. Check out this schedule:

Wednesday, Nov. 14: We see Dr. L for an ear check up. All is OK with ears and tubes.

Thursday, Nov. 15: Jared has a temperature and is coughing himself silly

Friday, Nov. 16: We see Dr. P to see what's going on with the continued fever and coughing. Chest is clear. No redness in ear. He wonders if ear tube in one ear is still working. No drugs. We think it's viral.

Monday, Nov. 19: Jared OK in the a.m., goes to daycare, has fun, wakes up with high fever.

Tuesday, Nov. 20: Back to the doctor's. Now we see Mrs. B (nurse practioner). She says definite ear infection. We get 3-day Z pack.

Friday, Dec. 7: We go back to Dr. P for a recheck of ears. All is fine.

Thursday, Dec. 13: Another fever at daycare. Coughing persists.

Friday, Dec. 14: Back to Dr. P. We have a new ear infection. 10-day antibiotic.

Monday, Dec. 17: Jared coughs pretty much all night long. And, I do mean all night long. Scary stuff.

Tuesday, Dec. 18: Mom calls Dr. P AGAIN. I love his nurse, Candy. She recognizes my voice. We think maybe he has asthma? We start taking a steriod twice daily for five days.

Thursday, Dec. 20: Back to Dr. L for the ears. He thinks ears look fine. It's the throat that is terrible. Jared refuses to cooperate at all with hearing test. This is problematic. Dr. L wants to continue antibiotic for 20 days total.

Gotta love this ride we are on!

Christmas Joy

As I was in worship service today with my son Jacob, we were singing Christmas carols. I always try to tell him as many of the words as I can so he can learn them.

The Bell song is waaay too fast for that. I was singing "merry merry merry Christmas" at mostly the right time. And Jacob was singing "give a give a give a 'garden.'"

I was trying to figure out why as I'm telling the story to Gene, who immediately realizes Jacob is singing the commericial for the Garmon, that new GPS thing.

Now he's walking around my front room saying "Every kiss begins with Kay."

No Christmas cards

There's absolutely no way I a going to even get them started before Christmas.

How does everyone feel about Valentine's cards? (And, yes, I know that's a question.)

In case you care …

I am done grading the content of the blogs. yeah! Only a few students lacked the magical 16 posts. Come great posts out there. All in all, I would like to give some shouts out. I will keep their blogs linked on mine until January or so. After that, anyone who stops posting gets cut.

My favorite overall blogs: Josh R., Jeannine and Josh N.

My favorite off the wall posts: Brandon

Poets: Danielle, Christie

Best mom stories: Tricia's messy milk story and Michelle's battle of the language

Most news: Nick

Most like fiction: Caleb

Fall Pics of the Fellas

It's 8:52 p.m.

As I type, I hear a rhythmic thump on the other side of the wall. It's Jared, throwing his football up against the wall.

He's supposed to be sleeping as I put him to bed at 8:08 p.m. He's managed to figure out how to turn on the bedside lamp all by his precious little self. What a blessing. Now, he throws a fit whenever I turn it off and then promptly turns it on again.

Jacob is sound asleep on the top bunk, so I'm not keen on getting my little one going by removing the light entirely. I should be grading …

Blogs

I have just finished reading all the comments my 18 students in feature writing posted on their classmate's blog. They were supposed to comment on one per week, with a total of 16. Take themselves out, and they should post on everyone's blog except one.

Several of them missed the mark. Only one lone blog had the attention of the entire class. The comments were insightful for the most part.

There was a lot of good writing in the blogs this semester. If you have a chance, check some of 'em out.

Santa

A photo of the boys with Santa and no one cried this year.

"Momma, can we please go see Santa today," pleaded Jacob.

"Go ask you dad," she replies knowing he has to leave at noon. To her surprise, he's up for it.

No line at the Mall. What a year!

Jacob approaches Santa, catalog in hand. She tried to tell him that Santa is magic. He listens to what little boys and girls want, but he makes the final decision based on how well he really knows the kid.

"No he doesn't momma. I am going to show him the picture of what I want, and he's going to go back to get it from his workshop and bring it to my house."

Surprise!

Thinking of the week he had survived, she slipped a partial package of mini Snickers into his coat pocket.

Days went by and nothing was said. Losing patience, she inquired to see if the gift had been discovered.

Discovered and devoured was the reply.

As she put on her coat to head back to work, she pulled out a surprise of her own from her coat pocket. He might not be too thrilled if she told everyone what it was …

I don't wanna …

• Grade, but there are stacks of it. If it were sound, I'd hear a stereo version.

• Clean, but my girlfriends are coming to my house for Bible study tomorrow

• Cook, but my family is expecting dinner tonight

• Exercise, but I hear it's the only way to shed those pounds.

• Work, so clearly I'm bloggin'

Recovering from grandparents

Disclaimer: I love my parents. I love Gene's parents, too. And, I absolutely want them to be a part of our children's lives in a real and significant and un-mandated sort of way.

****
It's true when they say there is no such thing as a "free lunch." Last Friday, I eagerly drove the hour or so to Kansas City to collect my fellas after they spent a week at their grandparents.

Our oldest has wanted to visit Marshall, Mo., for several weeks now and he made sure to emphasize several times that he wanted to take the trip ALONE or without his little brother.

My mom, clearly only looking out for MY best interests (she would steal Jared for life if she could get away with it), decided she would spend some time with my baby in KC as well.

I should have jumped in the car the moment after I got my hugs and fix of mommy kisses, but I wasn't fast enough. All of Friday night and most of Saturday, my boys slugged it out, which generally lead to hysterical crying by our oldest. The crying only seemed to inspire the youngest to greater heights of torment.

Sunday was the day of no naps. Sunday naps are a tradition in the Cassell home. A long-standing tradition minus the brief interruption of Jacob, who refused to sleep at any convenient time until he was 4-months-old. I went to bed grumpy and with a headache and got up (no 'waking' to be had) grumpier and throbbing only to discover no amount of rummaging or swearing would produce a bottle of ibprofen. Alleve just does not get the job done, folks.

Sunday night, Jacob told Gene he wanted to return to Grammy's house because she was nicer to him than us. Jared refuses to go to sleep unless I am in the room with him. Neither Jacob nor Gene will do.

You know, in a lot of cultures, the grandparents DO raise the children.

No, I suppose transition is hard for all of us. It's nice for them to experience being the one and only for a week here and there. Every time I think Jacob has told all there is to tell about his week with grammy and papa, he comes up with something new.

Jared does not say a lot, but when pictures of my mom or dad roll past on the computer, he jumps up and down and laughs.

What a blessing to know you are loved so completely by so many people. Still, a week of peace (and or a hectic work schedule) does exact its cost.

Christmas sans credit

"Oh, the holiday signs are frightful and I've lost my cards for shopping?"

OK, so not really a good replacement lyric for the holiday classic, but it's certainly how I feel. I know credit cards are bad, bad and worse. I've been there. I've racked up the debt. I've paid off the debt only to rack up the debt again. So why does doing the RIGHT thing feel so WRONG?

Why indeed? My sister from another mister has a theory, which I think she shared with my pastor because today's message hit me right between the eyes.

There are a million and one maybe two things I need to be doing right now in my life. One thing trumps them all. There are no shortcuts, no easy swipes of plastic, only heart grease and knee time can solve this problem. Hear my prayer, my father.

PMHP

Purpose.
Meaning.
Hope.
Peace.

A Bit Belated

And then Jacob said …

My voice sucks this week, so I was thrilled when Jacob picked out an "I Spy" book to read for bed Friday night.

Somehow, the topic of marriage came up with my 4-year-old as we hunted for the various objects on the page. He informed me that he was going to do something (wish I remembered that part) when he was married.

Me: Who are you going to marry?

J: Riley.

Me: Why Riley?

J: She is my favorite girl at school.

Me: Why?

J: She's very pretty. (Pause.) I need to marry a really pretty girl.

I am wondering how to reply to that when he says this.

"Boys can't marry boys, right mom?"

Uhhh?! Is this a random 4-year-old type of question or has he been talking to someone on the playground.

I sort of nod my head as a response. He continues.

"Boys can't marry boys that would be silly. Girls get the babies."

Just who is this child?

Me: "What do you mean?"

J: If you are gonna get a baby, you need a girl. God puts babies in their tummies."

I can only imagine the look on my face as I try to nod in agreement. Perhaps he wasn't quite sure where I stood on the issue.

J: Well, wasn't I in your tummy, mommy?"

Naughty mom for a day

So today, I pretty much let my kids do whatever they wanted to do. I have very little voice today, not that yelling at them seems to have much of an impact.

Relentless is a good word to describe two boys and a day full of activity. They popped into our room for some quick quality daddy time around 7:15 a.m. He left at 8 a.m. and has yet to return.

I tried to bribe them with TV as I cleaned up the house. Do you know I vacuumed my rug four times today? My mom will be impressed.

I let Jacob have 10 pieces of candy. And he counted it out and kept looking at me like my head would spin around. Jared ate two suckers at once. I tried to make them take naps so I could watch a few episodes of "Gilmore Girls" while I folded the mountain of laundry in peace! I got sick of yelling at them (as best I could) and putting them back to bed, so I finally gave up. (This was before the sugar ironically enough).

Then I decided I would just watch "Gilmore Girls" and let them run wild. I told Jacob if he told on his brother one more time that I was going to give him a second helping of Jared's offense.

Later, though Jared smacked Jacob with the hose to the sweeper, so I returned the favor. I would like to say that Jared stopped hitting Jacob afterward, but he didn't.

I have no idea how stay-at-home mothers endure this kind of abuse day after day.

Mom, please don't kill me

Well, the boys needed haircuts, and they got them. I think they are adorable, but there is no doubt in my mind that my momma will hate them. Admitedly, Jared's is a bit shorter than I expected, but his hair is a lot thinner than Jacob's. Anyway, it was a NUTTY week, and the deed is done. Perhaps they will have some length by Thanksgiving?

Two boys in a basket

Lies I have believed

I cannot tell you how many times I have refused to see truth because the lies were so much easier to believe. My new Bible study (see earlier post) has already shown me how important God's word is to be able to distinguish truth from lies. The world promotes all sorts of lies. People lie. Commercials lie. Satan is all about lies.

Here are some of the lies I have believed.

I have believed credit cards are OK as long as you manage them well. Nope. That's a lie that is going to cost me and family for the next few years. Debt is debt is debt. Even if it is only for one month.

I have believed that I am incapable of sticking to a healthy lifestyle. Another lie. God says our bodies are to be holy temples. He will provide the strength for me to prevail, as long as I don't lose sight of Him. (which I have in this area, incidentally)

I can be happy doing things my own way. BIG FAT LIE. I am a created being with a God-given purpose, which is to love and know my God.

I cannot put God first in my life because I am too busy. I have too many things on my list. I am overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of stuff I tell myself I need to do. Another one of the world's lies. Truth: If I put God first, the necessary things will fit in with his grace. Thank God!

The Devil made me do it

I'm in week two of my new Bible study. We are going through Beth Moore's "Breaking Free."

I love this study already, but her studies are quite meddlesome. She contends, and backs up scripturally as a side note, that any stronghold we allow Satan to have in our lives is based on lies.

And, only the truth we find in Christ has the power to set us free. Sin starts small. Then as it grows, so do the lies and the excuses. Bottom line for Satan, as long as we are not furthering the kingdom of God, he's happy.

And, if we are not living lives that reflect Christ, all the talk in the world is cheap, cheap, cheap.

Finally, to truly live in freedom, God's freedom, means two things. One is that you must continually be devouring and studying his holy Word. And second, you must have a meaningful prayer life to get to know your Savior.

New planner

Almost immediately she regretted wearing her "fun" shoes. Wishing for heavier bags to justify the elevator, she slowly began the climb to the third floor. This likely was the most leisurely part of her day.

Piles of paper beckoned to her as she frantically worked throughout the day to shorten her night. Hopeful in the a.m. that she might make a dent in the pile, she takes time to clean out the e-mail to-do list. (big mistake)

Later as she's moments from walking across campus for a meeting that will ultimately end her day, she pokes her head in the office. It's Oct. 3, and yet her new planner for 2008 has arrived.

Thinking of the many items already lining up to be penned into the new version, she sighs. It used to be a lot more fun to get a new planner.

Complicated

It's 7:57 p.m. and the house is quiet.

Her husband is working and her kids are in bed early tonight.

Working has always meant a motherly sacrifice, but today it was more so. A note from preschool warns of misdeeds by the oldest. She hates that she must burn what little time they have together by banishing him to his room for the evening. He hates it, too.

No books. No jokes. No fun. She hopes tomorrow will be a better day for both of them.

Man Training

Me: Who did you play with today?

Jacob: Dagan

Me: What did you do?

Jacob: We chased the girls. They wanted to talk to us, but we didn't want to hear it.

He's only 4 years old, folks!

Regina the freelancer

Wanna read some other stuff I wrote? I write for the Topeka Capital-Journal every now and again. Here are a few stories I've written. A couple of them are older, but the links still work. yeah!

http://cjonline.com/stories/091507/rel_199758789.shtml

http://www.cjonline.com/stories/080207/lif_188501037.shtml

http://www.cjonline.com/stories/110406/rel_nomeninchurch.shtml

http://www.cjonline.com/stories/121906/loc_fundraiser.shtml

Math is the devil

I'm not really against those who can comprehend the beauty of mathematics or actually saying Satan is behind all math (not quite).

My husband and I have started down our financial journey again. Stupidity is our major claim to struggle. We both have excellent jobs and a home we can afford, etc. It's the stupid stuff that trips us up.

The truth is that we like spending money, just like the rest of the world. See, that's problematic for me. I live IN the world, but I don't want to be OF the world.

That's why I spent most of my free time this evening working out our budget for next month because I've pretty much umm set this one in stone. (No money = no choices for budget).

However, that's OK. We're making progress each and every month. Yeah, us. We mostly used cash this month. The, ahhh, we'll call them slips, are what got us into trouble. It took me awhile for my spreadsheet to match the bank's math, but I did it. (Kudos to excel!)

Disciple. Cash. Prayer. Yep. I think that's got to be the secret.

Our pastor tells us we will change at the point at which it hurts more to stay the same rather than change. And we have to WANT to change. I see the wisdom in this, but I also see loopholes. At this point, it does not matter whether I WANT to change or not. God WANTS me to change. And, so we will (God and I). Then we (God and I) will join our other team (Gene and God) and we will kick some financial butt.

Who am I?

I am but a mere sinner saved by the same grace as everyone else who chooses to accept it.

Really, I'm not that deep. I'm a woman. I'm a wife. I'm a mother to two young boys. I'm a teacher. I'm a gal pal to a few other women. I am a Christ-follower. And, before I followed Christ, I was as lost as any other person on the earth and no more worthy as savior than they.

Compared to a holy God, most of us are not all that amazing.

My God died for me. My God died for many who will never chose to believe. Today my pastor asked us to consider whether we are excited about God's love for us. So here goes.

Am I excited about God's love for me when I'm trying to keep my 2-year-old son from hitting and pinching? Am I excited about God's love for me when I've just about had it with my 4-year-old son's mouth?Am I excited about God's love for me when I think about how much I really hate my husband's job, only because it takes him away from us so very much? Am I excited about God's love for me when I pick up Jacob and Jared's toys AGAIN? Or do three loads of laundry, only to pass by an already full clothes hamper?

Maybe not, but I want to be. Just the physical pain of a nail going through my hand catches my attention. But, do you really know what all they did to the God of the Universe? Those nails were only one small part. What about what my sin and your sin did to Him?

Now, that's some pretty amazing love. Yes, I do think so.

OK, so maybe I'm a little deeper today. Thanks for hangin' in.

The F Bomb

There was a time in my life when I thought the use of this word was actually pretty cool.

At other times in my life, it flew out of my mouth on a rather regular basis. (Think college. Think newspaper deadline nights. Think dumb boys most gals date at some point in life.)

On very very very rare occasions, this word again works its way into my mouth. Being a Christian mom with two young boys, however, these instances have decreased dramatically.

Imagine the surprise then, when Gene was driving down the road Monday night, and heard the f bomb from our 4-year-old son. Gene's cell phone was ringing, so he answered about the time Jacob says, "no way, mother f***er" to no one in particular. ( likely playing with toys).

Though we later learned that the phrase had in fact been introduced that very same day in preschool, neither Gene nor I are impressed with the new acquisition of vocabulary.

Oh, the joys of parenting!

Shopping with daddy

There's a birthday party to attend, and a gift is needed.

Typically a mom's chore, but daddy fills in tonight. The toy section is tempting for any 4-year-old boy and his 2-year-old brother. Though generous to a fault, it's hard to understand why the birthday child and the giver cannot both receive gifts.

A toy is selected. The older brother and the soon-to-be-giver of the toy claims the holding privilege. The youngest waits for his chance and violá, the toy is his.

A lot of parents would not blame this daddy. They have been there in the store with a screaming child. But, two of them is hardly a fair fight.

One toy become three toys, and all are pleased.

Perhaps the brothers continued to torment their father until he, too, had to have a toy for his desk at work. Those naughty boys!

A new dance

I love the women in my Bible study. These women are hard-core friends, and I learn so much every time I spend two hours with them.

If you have never seriously pondered what it means to totally surrender to God, it's not an easy task. And, you will never get it perfectly right. And, it's a daily endeavor.

Guarding your mind from ungodly things, keeping away from the tempting things in life while choosing instead to focus on things above is challenging.

But, if you are willing, God will ever do the surrendering part for you. You just have to say, "Yes, Lord. Yes, Lord."

I make that my plea today.

4:36 p.m.

Technically, I've put in my time today. Not sure why my backpack is going home filled to the brim, however.

Started out with a department meeting at 8:30 a.m. and worked through lunch (not without eating in my office, of course). Accomplished a lot of things, but not really things that I get a solid outcome for. I hate those pesky little tasks. Too small almost to make it to the list.

Perhaps I should just add "pesky little things" to my daily to-do list because all of these things eat away at my time.

Oh, well.

Adorable

And she's not even my daughter.

Tonight at the church softball game the dirt was blowing wildly across the field constantly, but Jacob also got a scoop sort of thrown at him by a 2-year-old girl. She didn't do it on purpose; she was just in her own little world.

Anyway, this adorable second grader bends down to the 2-year-old girl and says in the sweetest voice ever. "Do you want to say you are sorry? He will forgive you and this will be all over. He won't tell on you and you won't get in trouble."

God puts people in our lives to come alongside us when we struggle. Tonight two of my own lifesavers come to mind. May God bless Anna and Marian.

Hola Faithful Reader(s)

Hi Mom. Ha. Ha.

You might notice if you scroll down a bit, I am in the process of adding 18 new links to my blog.

Fresh faces. I encourage you all to check out their blogs every now and again. Who doesn't love a comment every now and again? (Mom, remember to sign in and then post.)

I don't make my students read my own blog, but I do have all the links to the blogs they need to read on here. In case they do read though, I need to edit these more carefully.

Another semester has started.

A conversation

Jacob: "Mommy, God didn't make any bad choices did he?"

Me: "No, Jacob, he didn't."

Jacob: "He did good things all day every day. I am going to do good things all day tomorrow," he pauses, "or most of the day."

Editor's Note: Yes, I realize my 4-year-old son is terribly smart. And I am a brilliant writer … just ask my momma.

Disobedience

It has been somewhat of a rough day today. Every six weeks, Gene's turn comes up to serve in the 2 and 3 year old room at church. As children only promote up once per year, Jacob still attends this class for a few more Sundays.

Jacob was so confrontational with his daddy this morning, that Jacob was moved to another classroom! Yeah, that's what I said. Dad and son had to be separated.

I had to break my son's heart today and forbid him to attend a birthday party he had been quite looking forward to. But, he knew the rules going in and he chose to disobey again and again, leaving me no choice.

I fear I am heading for a major crossroads in terms of money. God has gone over the rules with me again and again, and I stubbornly insist on doing things my own way. Sure, I can be good for a few months in a row, but change is not reaching the heart level because only God can do that.

A broken heart might be the only way out.

Bunk Beds

There is no more crib in my babies room. Almost five years ago, Gene put together that little bed with lots of love and cussing.

"Did it make you want to cry to take the bed apart," I ask Gene.

"No, I wanted to cry putting it together. It was much easier to take apart."

Now my little boy of four years sleeps on the top bunk and my little boy of two years sleeps on the bottom bunk.

Before they sleep, however, they giggle, they get out of bed again and again, they dance, they turn up the CD player too loud, they fight and they drive mommy NUTS.

Finally, perhaps realizing it's not a good idea to push mommy one inch further, they nestle in to sleep. And the little boy of four years who earned two naughty notes today and the little boy of two years who screamed most of the morning, suddenly become the purest little angels ever … until the morning.

Jacob

Two naughty notes in one day! Now that's a Jacob Cassell record.

"Hey Gene and Regina

Just a note to let you know that Jacob is sitting in my office right now because as I was talking to one of the other children, he came up and slapped me on the behind. He thought it was funny, but I did not and then since he was mad at me he just started saying the word 'but' over and over again.

This is my note to you that I promised Jacob I was writing because of his choices"

Then Mrs. Betsey had to add this in writing.

"You guys. I love this kid. Now he's sitting here trying to bribe me with the promise of pictures that he will draw for me. He has apologized to me without prompting. He has suggested that since he has said sorry maybe I could just put this note 'in someone else's cubby.' His little mind is always working."

His second note described his recent run-in with disrespectful behavior. Tonight, we talked about these choices. I told him to stop something, and he told me he "could do it if he wants to."

I made my little boy lock eyes with me and repeat the following: "I am 4 years old and I have to do whatever mommy tells me to do. I have to do whatever daddy tells me to do. I have to do whatever my teacher tells me to do. I do not get to do what I want."


aaauuuggghhh

The game of change

So today in church, Pastor Casey just came out and said it's time to read our Bibles every day. (Hebrews 4:12)

And, not only that, but he suggested that we are to "reflect on it deeply" (Psalm 119:15) and "respond to it obediently." (James 1:25)

The three Rs of a spiritual breakthrough. Read your Bible, reflect and respond.

At some point during the sermon though, he made another point that really resonated well with me. He was talking about change. He suggests that we are all quite capable of controlling our impulses to do certain things. We might be able to quit cussing, stop hitting or even eating on our own accord, but only GOD can CHANGE our hearts about anything.

Talk about battling uphill in the wind. Using our own energy to mask a behavior that is still taking over our hearts does not seem to be a very productive process.

Wednesday is trash day

Gene and I are facing somewhat of a tight financial month. Problem is, it's only day 1 of said month.

Anyhow, I mentioned to him that I hoped the trash bill wasn't due this month as it's paid every three months. He laughed and said we should get a discount because we seem to remember to take it to the curb every other week.

Perhaps the fact that a simple task is often overlooked puts perspective on the nuttiness we call living our lives as the Cassells.

The Cassells need to take five and drop all the things that are not really important.

The trip to Kohl's

Two items in a bag with a receipt. I needed to walk into the store, take a left and then a right to reach the customer service area. No biggie.

I had a list of items for Sam's Club and the grocery store. Oh, and I had my two boys. Naughty and VERY NAUGHTY.

I tried to put Jared in the stroller/cart Kohl's has available. He was not pleased with this and began screaming his "Help! I'm being murdered scream." I shove him in there and start pushing, sort of.

Jacob, despite having a front-row seat to Jared's meltdown, wants to push the stroller. I tell him I just want to get it going so Jared will stop screaming. Grudgingly he moves aside at a snail's pace.

Meantime, Jared gets even more cranked up. I am pushing quickly as I am getting lots of looks. There is no line, so I decide to just deal with it, but I am still holding out hope that the screaming will stop.

I pride myself on how my children generally behave in the store. Every now and again, we have a small problem. We've been in line too long or it's getting late or they are hungry.

It's wrong to negotiate with terrorists, but I decided to try. I take my little terrorist out of the stroller contraption. He bolts away (still screaming, incidentally)

The girl behind the counter has to take a phone call, and I have to take the screamer around the corner so the poor girl can hear!

Jacob is no longer interested in pushing the stroller, and why I think it necessary to lug it back to the front of the store is beyond me. I think it's rude to just abandon your cart in the wrong place, but maybe I had a good reason today. Still, I head for the front carrying the hysterical child and pushing the cart while telling Jacob repeatedly he isn't getting another stuffed animal. And, it's only a quick trip to the front. Surely he will stop screaming, I think.

People are really looking me know. I am losing my cool. I want to beat him. I spank his diapered butt, but he only screams louder.

We get out of the store as quickly as possible, and I again spank the terrorist who is doing his best to kick, bite and pinch me in between screams.

I wish I could have had Harry Potter's magic wand to force my child into his carseat. I think I got a scratch on my face. He was pretty livid by now.

Once the car started, he calmed down rather quickly. I wondered if I should chance Sam's. Some may have considered throwing in the towel at this point, but not me. I drove across the parking lot and geared up for round two --- mom vs. Jared.

I let him walk up to Sam's to butter him up a bit. He wasn't pleased that I held his hand, but he relaxed when Jacob took his other one. Laughing, I scoped him up and deposited him into the cart. He looked at me, and I looked at him. "Go ahead and make my day, child."

He smiled and threw his little head back and laughed. I watched as my little screamer turned into the resident greeter, waving and calling "hi!" to all we encountered.

With a successful trip to the grocery story following, I tally the score. Mom wins, 2-1.

Harry Potter

I've read the final book. That's all I can say except it was a good read. 749 pages, and I accomplished it in less than 24-hours. Yeah, I know. I rock. (ha ha)

I also managed in that same 24-hour period to sleep a little (got the book at Wally world at midnight), attend a P-Chef party, fix family dinner, give fellas a bath and get them ready for bed. Yeah, that's about it.

The book was 749 pages!

Who else has read it? No spoilers though!

My baby

My baby is crying and my 4-year-old is out of bed. OK, so my "baby" is 2 years old and apparently not too keen on going to bed. Neither is Jacob, who has been out at least five million times in this moment alone.

I arrived at preschool to pick up Jacob only to learn that he had appointed himself chief bully today. Hitting, pushing, taking things away from others, refusing to listen, yelling, saying "no" to his teachers. Yep. That's a pretty good summary.

Then I went to pick up Jared, who had just turned himself into a weapon by hurtling himself from the chair to the couch, landing on the poor little girl who likely weighs a mere 40 pounds to Jared's 26.

I blame myself because I let them stay up too late b/c it's summer, and they were having fun.

And, I was naughty also. I stayed up until 2:30 a.m. reading a book. Now I am very tired and my eyes are burning.

Oh, to once again enjoy the truly lazy days of summer. I remember telling my sisters that I did not care if the pool opened at 1 p.m. I was going to watch One Life to Live before we went. As far as they were concerned, the pool was open to them at 2 p.m. daily. And that was if they could pry the book out of my hands to make me take them.

Only a few days remain until the world knows what happens to our little Harry Potter. Yeah, I'm a book nut.

No Place to Hide

The thing about God is that He's an all or nothing sort of deal. The last few sermons, though diverse topics, have all pointed me to the same place. In other words, until I do this one little thing, I am going to hear nothing new under the sun.

Today our pastor talked about witnessing to those around us, a "task" most of us dread. But if we have a solid relationship with God, then we won't be able to help ourselves. Thus, it no longer becomes a task. OK, so that's the Cliff notes version, but if you can follow me normally, you will be OK.

Anyway, the relationship is what I am struggling with as of late, and oh how it affects everything else.

For example, I need to live much more fiscally responsibly. Instead of me and my Bible sitting about to discuss this with God, I think myself in circles of all of the things "I" can do: don't eat out, don't go to Wal-Mart unsupervised, don't buy books, don't shop online, no credit cards, etc. And, how is that working with God, you ask? Well, if you can figure it out, please let me know.

Do you know the KISS rule? Keep it simple, stupid? Can the answer really be that simple?

Regina: Pick up my book. Read it. Talk to me. Is this really so difficult?

If ya know and love the one and only savior, pray for me!

Abundance

So, I'm sitting here in the lobby of our hotel wondering exactly what I'll blog about today.

The mystery was revealed when a woman stopped to ask me if she could give me something.

I'm suspicious, but friendly, so I agree. I am presented with a nickel and a wish for abundance from Victoria. The coin says in God we trust, she says, and I am wished abundance in whatever I believe in.

This is it. I'm left wondering if she's a Christian or another religious follower or just a nice person. Pity that I did not think to ask her.

I thanked her and she introduced herself and walked away.

Hmm.

Here's a prayer for Ms. Victoria. Father, God, you know all about this woman. I pray that if she does not have a friendship and relationship with your son, Jesus, that you will reveal the truth of his sacrifice to her. Help her see that we are all eternal beings. We can chose to spend eternity with you in heaven or apart from you forever. Amen.

San Diego, Day 3

The lack of Internet access has forced me to consider how much I value that connection to the online world.

Gene and I arrived in sunny San Diego Tuesday around 10:30 a.m. We were able to check into our hotel early and start our day.

We did the tourist thing for two days and spent several hours at the beach. Gene managed to get his ankles wet, but I was all out. I love the ocean and the town of Coronado. We both managed to get slight sunburns despite the sunblock. We have seen Old Town and Seaport Village, only a few minutes from our hotel.

Today is D-day. I will finish "d" grading or I will surely lose my mind. I have also decided to mail the work home because just the folders from my class weigh eight pounds!

Well, back to grading I go. Hope all is well in Kansas : )

Monday's report and camping

(yes, I should be grading, but I need a break, OK?!)

Took the fellas camping Friday with a 30 percent chance for storms lurking. Should have known given my day that camping was not a good plan. Went anyway. Here's the top 10 things NOT to do when camping with a 4-year-old boy and a 2-year-old boy.

1) Think you are properly organized when in fact you are NOT.

2) Assume that the baby who usually sleeps in a crib will just "adjust" to the big tent.

(these are not exactly in order)

3) Forget lawn chairs.

4) Camp next to a family who brings other families and has at least 14 kids running around until midnight.

5) Have to run to the store before you leave when it's already well after dinner time.

6) Try camping and mounting bike carrier on car in same day.

7) Ask husband questions when he is putting said carrier on said car.

8) Pack up kids and leave at 2 a.m. because of lightning.

9) Look at lake water. Best just to get in at planned time.

10) Expect children to behave while you are putting up the tent.

A New Year's Baby?

My sis is pregnant. I have nieces and nephews from Gene's family who are precious and wonderful children, but I'm so very excited to meet MY sister's baby.

Her due date right now is Jan. 2. If she's really good and has him or her (we hope her, but suspect him b/c that's the way things have gone in our family) on Dec. 31, she won't have to wait a year for that awesome tax credit : )

Or she might be online to have the first baby of the year or something really cool like that.

At any rate, I'm very excited. Join me in praying for a healthy pregnancy for mom and baby if you're the praying type.

Father's Day

We love it!

We recommend the trail-a-bike thing to anyone thinking about it. Jacob is having a wonderful time riding with his daddy!

One thing off the list (ha ha)

As my faitful blog followers (mom and Anna) will recall, I had a mission to type up a list of all of our kid books. Well, it's past midnight, but I did finish. Sometimes I just have this overwhelming need to finish a project, mostly to calm down my nutty brain.

Anyway, our boys currently have 376 titles. I pulled the books off the shelves tonight and I likely missed one or two. Starting out, I thought I was on track to have more like 600 books.

A side mission of the typing expedition was also to out the missing library books. Alas, two of the three have been found. Hmm.

I need to go to bed, but first I'm gonna throw a photo or two on my site.

Peace to all ya'll organizer wanna-bees : )

Ramblings of sorts

Coming off of another busy weekend, and yes, I should be grading.

Took the boys to the zoo Friday with two other moms. Five kids to three moms isn't a bad ratio, and we all had an enjoyable trip. No luck in getting five kids, ages 4, 4, 3, 2 and 1, into ONE picture though. I will have to post a couple of the ones I did manage to get.

Was on a mission Saturday to buy Gene a new bike and a trail-a-bike thing for Jacob. It's a very cool addition to a regular ten speed that allows a younger rider to ride with a parent. It's like attaching a kids bike, minus the front wheel, to the back of the adult bike. Jacob loves it! I know Jared is going to have a cow b/c he already wants to ride on it, too.

Sunday we made it to church early. My husband does not always enjoy eating out with our kids. I think his prediction that they might be terrorists at the restaurant comes true, and a better attitude would prove more effective. At any rate, we did the Chili's to go for Father's Day. Then my parents came for a BBQ for dinner. We spent some time picking up sticks and cleaning up the yard.

I have become a recent fan of the library's online catalog. You can look for books and have them mailed right to your house. I have read in my magazine about a few books I wanted to read. Ta-Da. The library has them. Now I just wait for them to arrive. How cool is that?!

Well, I started this little post well before lunch. Now I've been and gone. Folded and put away a load of laundry and started another one while at home. Picked up toys for the 20th time in two days. Yep. It's a regular old work week.

My family

Here is the photo taken at the reception to honor my grandparents, who celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary, May 28. They were married in Hiawatha, Kan.

Swimming, Take 2

OK, last night was the second night of the scary swimming.

Jared did much better. The shoes were a definte help. He did not care about the ball, but the ring floatie device proved to be a comfortable distraction.

He actually walked around the pool, splashed and generally had fun. He did go completely under twice, and he did not cry a bit either time. I think the third time will be a charm. I am still getting looks from those who clearly think I am pushing too hard or torturing my child. Trust me. If he was having a major problem, the whole city of Topeka would hear him.

Jacob desperately wants to learn how to swim, but I have yet to sign him up for lessons. I think they will go much better this year.


Hooray!

Swimming

My baby boy hates the pool, which is not good considering we have to go at least 19 more times to make our pool pass cost efficient.

It took about an hour and a half for him to agree to cling to me with his upper chest and lower body submerged.

Jacob, however, loves the pool and wants to do everything. He was quite sad when the lifeguard told him he wasn't big enough for the rope game at the pool. His biggest problem, like genenrations of others, is not running at the pool. He listened fairly well, which was good because Jared was stuck to me like glue.

Jared hates being barefoot, first of all. Then there's the "shower before you enter the pool area" that he's not a big fan of either. We had not even made it out of the locker room before I my child was hysterical.

He loves baths, so I figured walking into the water would please him. Yeah, not so much. I'm sure the other parents there thought I was a horrible mother torturing my poor baby.

Maybe next time will be better. I've got the pool shoes and I'm bringing him a ball. He loves balls, so surely that will work. (Quit laughing. I need support here.)

10 Years

This Thursday will mark the last day of the first 10 years of my marriage. Wow. Ten years. I am not sure what to blog in this space. Perhaps a rundown of the last 10 years. That could be tricky and really test my memory.

June 7, 1997: OK, that's easy. I married my sweetie at 6 p.m. in Mound City, Mo. I could not wait to walk down the aisle. It was awesome to celebrate with family and friends, but it would have been the same if it had just been Gene and I and the preacher.

1998: I graduated with my master's from KU and Gene gets the job he loves as Washburn's SID

1999: I live in Maryville, Mo., and Lawrence, Kan., as I spend 10 months teaching at NWMSU. A lot of miles on our little black Cavalier. I have a husband and a roommate.

2000: We decide to move to Topeka. We closed on our first house on June 7, 2000. I also start my job in alumni at Washburn.

2001: We work. Back in the these days, I would frequently travel on weekends with Gene to football and basketball games. Of course, I often read my book, but we were together. We work, go to church, spend too much money.

2002: We take a fun cruise to mark what we planned to be our last anniversary without children. Our plans prevail. And, we love cruises.

2003: Our first baby boy, Jacob, is born, March 23. What a screamer. Is this baby ever going to go to sleep?

2004: We start to realize the full impact of parenthood. We were too tired the first year, and I don't actually remember a lot of it. We start thinking we had better have another baby before I lose my nerve. My mom said we couldn't not "plan" children, but we did pretty well. We were hoping for April babies both times and got March and May. Pretty darn close.

2005: Our second (and last) baby boy, Jared, is born, May 26. He was 9 pounds and four ounces. Perhaps God thought my prayers for a healthy and SMALL baby went unheard.

2006: A hard year at times. With my sister facing cancer, it really did change our focus. Jared also got ear tubes this year and was sick a lot. Jacob starts preschool and does quite well. The year ended very well though as my parents were baptized Dec. 30.

2007: The boys drive our world in a big way. We visit the zoo, take bike rides, pull the wagon, visit Sam's Club, ride the train at the park, fix meals that end up on the floor, and watch our boys grow. We love to hear Jacob's prayers from the heart and watch as Jared soaks up everything Jacob says and does. (and yes, that includes the spitting and the sassy mouth!) Gene and I still love to goof around and spend time just the two of us.

I'm a very lucky girl. It's been an awesome 10 years.

Advanced News

This post is the start of an ongoing conversation that will last approximately five weeks. I'm teaching Advanced News Writing this summer, and I have decided to have students post each week to this blog. In reality, it's much easier to grade things that are all in one place, but it's also great to be able to respond to the thoughts of others.

Here are the rules:

1) It's OK to POLITELY disagree with others who post.

2) Be sure to click on this entry and post everything here.

Week one: By Wednesday, please answer the following questions. Be sure to read what those before you have typed b/c it should have some effect on what you say. I don't want 15 posts that all say the same thing.

1) What is it that journalists do that make their jobs so important?

2) In your opinion, what has been the biggest or most important news story in the last two weeks?

In Christ Alone

If you can find a copy of this song, go for it! There are about 25 recordings by different artists. I have not found the perfect one I'm seeking yet, but they are all good. At any rate, just the lyrics are amazing. I googled In Christ Alone and got this below:

Newsboys - In Christ Alone Lyrics

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost it's grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand

How bad is it …

when you barely have time to do half of your list, let along blog.

Yes, I should be planning for my Advanced News Writing class that begins Tuesday. I am going insane!

I have not even been able to blog about my amazing, and I do mean amazing time at the Beth Moore conference. I've also been to an amazing writer's conference.

Beth first. She is an amazing woman. She's on fire for the Lord and knows how to study His word.

Funny thing about God putting you in places you are meant to be. I'm sure there was no reason At ALL why I was at a conference where one of the main focus was on ANXIETY.

OK, this is summary of Beth's profound thoughts, not mine. Stay with me.

She says prayer is to worry as everything is to nothing. She also shows us how God will not provide us one single ounce of energy to waste on anxiety or worry. Prayer, on the other hand, taps into the Spirit's power. And that would be the spirit of the creator of the universe for those a bit behind.

Prayer is the answer to peace while anxiety is the quick way to insanity (OK, the last part is mine.)

Now, here is where it really gets tricky. Beth thinks the root of all anxiety is our refusal to relinquish one thing. Any guesses?

Oh, yeah, it's control. Hmm. What does this type-A control freak have to say about that? Hmm.

So we sat down on the floor, literally a few feet from Beth a few times, and there were these spotlights going around the room. At points, these lights would shine directly on me and not on the people sitting on either side of me. As if I would miss the whole contol thing, God decided to give me a visual clue.

Here it is God: TAKE IT ALL!

love, regina

Never enough hours in the day

If I close my eyes, my to-do list dances in my head. If I open my eyes, it's all around me, staring at me, beckoning to me.

From yard to house to fitness to the mess in the kitchen and the clothes in the dryer, all of which are situated around piles of grading to be accomplished, I simply do not know where to begin.

I have three to-do lists. I cannot bear to look at them. I seriously think I am a lunatic. A serious lunatic, not to be confused by a moderate lunatic.

My blog is too self-centered. Oh, well.

I should be sleeping

So I have discovered gmail and the beauty of the google calendar. I should be sleeping. It was a very very very long day and promises to be a very long week.

I am going to see Beth Moore in Omaha Friday, so the week will have a good end.

The only bad thing about a calendar you can add stuff into and then see months in advance is how quickly you can fill the darn thing up. aaauuughhh.

OK, I am going to bed now.

In conclusion

I hate how when I post two in one day, my second post is below my first post. Perhaps I should consider a blog entry much like I tell my students to write cutlines. Assume the reader will not read the story. Try to get them there, but give enough info.

I finished my Beth Moore study. We went to dinner last night to discuss what we learned, but we really just visited. (nothing wrong with that). We did the To Live as Christ, which is a study of the life of Paul. Amazing.

Here are some of the things I took away from this study.

1) Paul, who started as Saul, let a very disciplined life, which I believe was a key to his amazing faithfulness.

2) Saul got to meet up with Christ in a very dramatic way. And, when Christ meets you in this fashion, there is really no turning back.

3) God rules were created to protect us and help us, but he loves us the same no matter how well we follow these rules.

4) The power of the Holy Spirit does not come automatically. When we accept Christ, we are joined by the Spirit, but it's only through the disciplines of prayer, reading God's Word and choosing to obey that we are able to harness the spirit's power to be patient, kind, faithful, loving, gentle, joyful, peaceful, good, and self-controlled.

5) Following our convictions can be tough. God did not promise a life of pampering. Hardships are actually necessary to build genuine faith.

6) Paul moved out from under to law to fall under grace. It's a choice we all have. The law condemns us all. You can accept grace or live life as Christ did -- without sin. Hmm, think I'll take GRACE.

7) The key to freedom is our obedience "DO the right thing, until we FEEL the right thing."

8) We need to fear the sin that comes disguised as a friend.

9) Salvation is a gift. We must PURSUE godliness and holiness.

10) We can learn to be content with what we have. It's not an automatic thing.

11) Beth says "our testimony is today!" We need to start living an obedient life, so our light can shine forth into the darkness. AMEN.

I should be grading …

Or washing the dishes or sleeping.

Last week of classes. Three more classes for me, in fact. Yes, three more.

It's been two, possibly three, weeks since I've finished my Beth Moore Bible study. I am back in the adult Sunday school as my 12-week stint with the 4-5 year olds in temporarily over. We are studying the life of King David. Our teacher has encouraged us to work on memorizing scripture.

I am working on memorizing Psalm 34. I must say it's not going as well as I would like it, too. The Psalm was written by King David, known as a man after God's own heart.

Here it is, in case you want to memorize it with me. (From the NIV version.)

I will extol the Lord at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
My soul will boast in the Lord;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice
Glorify the Lord with me;
let us exalt his name together.
I sought the Lord, and He answered me;
He delivered me from all my fears.
Those who look to Him are radiant;
Their faces are never covered with shame.
The poor man called, and the Lord heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear Him,
and He delivers them.
Taste and see that the Lord is good;
Blessed is the man who take refuge in Him.
Fear the Lord, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing.
The lions may grow weary and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
Come, my children, listen to me, I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days,
Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.
Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their cry;
The face of the Lord is against those who do evilto cut off the memory of them from the earth.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in the spirit.
A righteous man may have many troubles,
But the Lord delivers him from them all;
he protects all his bons, not one of them will be broken.
Evil will slay the wicked,
the foes of the righteous will be condemned,
The Lord redeems his servants;
No one will be condemned who takes refuge in him.

100 books and counting

So the madness continues as I type into excel our expansive collection of children's books. Just last week, Jacob and I carefully scoured the Scholastic flyer for the books we thought we needed. He picked dinosaurs and pirates. I picked Charolotte's Web and Stuart Little.

Then, he carried around a crumpled up flyer from something we received in the mail. A collection of Veggie Tales Books. I am an addict when it comes to mail-order books, so with no obligation purchase (ha ha), our Veggie Tales books will start arriving in four to six weeks.

At the Women of Faith conference, I spent $75 on a gorgeous pink bag that declares "Finally Free" to the world. I would not have paid so much for a bag, but this one came with five books that I plan to read and then share liberally!

The bottom line is that I love books, and I want my fellas to love 'em, too!

I remember when I was a little girl and I decided to play library, so I cut and glued pockets from notebook paper and stuck them to every book I owned. What a wacky kid!

I also remember the time I had planned to be a scribe and had set out copying down the entire Bible. It was a lot harder than I thought. I had to be younger than second grade, and I still only had the OLD King James version. I think I made it through the first three chapters of Genesis before I gave up my mission.

An answered prayer

Years before I had even considered being a mother, I attended my first Women of Faith conference. (note, I am in a posting mood, so I doubt these will not be in order)

At the conference, I was surrounded by amazing women who seemed to have a good handle on their faith in God. And, I, too, was well on my journey in faith. I had already spent a fair number of years praying my family would understand that my "interest" in God was not a hobby.

I have always had a close relationship with my mom. She's a great lady, but I was never able to relate to her spiritually. She had always believed in God, and that seemed to be enough for her, but it never was for me. It's the relationship with the son that I am aiming for. And, as I experienced God in such a powerful way some 10 years ago, I remember wishing my mom could share in something like that. I prayed often for my parents and my sisters over the years.

As someone was unable to attend this week's conference, my mom was able to go. As I was singing with the 12,000 women who attended the conference, I was suddenly very aware of how much had changed in 10 years. Here I was with my mom, and we were both worshiping the same, wonderful, awesome supreme God. Her faith awakened and renewed.

God is so good.

I know I have family, friends, students and even mere acquaintances who are not yet in a relationship with Christ. You can trust that if I know you are not in said relationship that I am praying fervently that you will come to know the one and only true God.

Believing there is a God isn't enough. Jesus is the only way to an eternal life in heaven, and He loves you. And I encourage my Christian friends: Never quit praying for the lost. Eternity is a fate for everyone. You can spend it with God or without Him. It's your choice.

I AM FREE

I drove to Des Moines this weekend to attend the Women of Faith conference. The theme was freedom. The last few weeks of my Bible study focused on freedom. And, you will never guess what today's sermon at church was about.

Me: Hmm. Three times, God? Freedom? Me? A control freak like myself can be free? Hmm. That's nice.
God: Ahem.
Me: OK, again with the freedom? Are we still on that?
God: (insert your favorite parent look here)
Me: Oh, you want THIS control freak to be free. Not just one LIKE me?
God: still nudging
Me: I am going to have to surrender what? Everything? Every little thing? My husband? My kids? My friends? My job? My dreams?
God: Yes, and keep going. You're missing one thing.
Me: I can't think of anything else.
God: "Regina?"
Me: MY PLANNER? You can't be serious. How will I live?
God: "Through me. You will live through me."
Me: I want to …
God: "Then step out in faith. Fall forward. Drop your hands. Trust me."
Me: OK, Lord. But you know you are going to have to show me.

And other crazy things I do

So, I started a spreadsheet to keep track of our vast collection of childrens books. As Jacob and I plod through the bookcases in an attempt to read them all before doing too much repeating, I have so far typed up 65 books.

And, I have to tell you that the bookcases are still quite full of books. I love books and cannot seem to deny my children this pleasure. Is there anything better than a good book?

Hmm.

What would God say

I'm on my way to pick up my youngest son when Jacob suddenly announces "I didn't throw rocks at Ms. Beckey's car today."

Of course, I immediately realize that he did. But, playing his game, I say "Oh, who did that?"

A pause and then an enthusiastic, "Nathan!"

"Who else?" I probe.

"Just him. No one else."

"Hmm. I wonder what God saw."

Another pause and then a plead, "Don't ask Him!"

I guess his guilty conscience had gotten the best of him because he did fess up. Even at age 4, Jacob knows that the same God who chases away the monsters he fears at night is with him all day long.

Tuesday night was my weekly Bible study, and the funny thing is that the message was very similar. We're studying the dramatic life of the apostle Paul, who at this point has spent two years in prison because he was not afraid to proclaim the truth of Christ.

Beth Moore, who is an amazing Christian woman who writes these studies for women, went back and studied a U.S. court case that gave a detailed account of how a person must prove they have a religious conviction.

See the U.S. Supreme Court is looking for convictions, not preferences or philosophies. We have to be the same when people are watching us and when they aren't. Over and over again, Paul shared his testimony. He didn't change it or relent from telling it. He was so convicted that he simply did not have any choice.

I hope if I were on trial for my faith, there would be enough evidence to convict me. Our high court says that our conviction must permeate every aspect of our lives, not just our behavior on Sunday mornings.

"For the love of God"

For awhile now, I've maintained a position that certain things are just "in" you. You can do your best to squelch them, but they will still manage to wiggle out every now and again.

I am a Christian. I love God, and I certainly do not mean to disrespect His name, but I fear I do it on a quite casual basis, which I feel is worse yet.

Tonight, after blowing my nose at least 200 times today, I was in a hurry to get the boys eating supper. Jacob had already announced he wanted yogurt and a PB&J sandwich. Fine with me, only he wanted to make it himself. I told him that I was really tired and just wanted to get it done faster.

Brief silence. Then he says to me, "For the love of God! I can make a sandwich." I dropped the knife because I know exactly who taught him to say this. Oh, boy. Further reflection reveals that I say this frequently, along with "Oh, Godd" and "Good Lord!" How do these "godly" interjections make it into my language? Years of use. And, I do mean years.

Funny how hearing the words from a 3-year-old can leave quite the impression.

Old Photos

The previous post alludes to something I am trying to find and failing miserably. It's a photo of my family. The last one taken before I was married. I believe there is only one copy, and I am pretty sure I have it -- somewhere.

I have seen it somewhere in the near future. It's one of my favorite photos of our family, and I know I intended to scan it or have Gene scan it. If only I could find it.

Instead of grading my papers, finishing up the loose ends with bills for the month, I tore through several boxes of photos that are just yearning to be scrapbooked. I love to scrapbook, and I have a lot of cool tools to use when scapbooking. It's the time I lack.

Anyway, I am going through all of these wonderful photos when I wonder if I perhaps stuck the photo inside one of my albums to keep it safe.

I pulled out my wedding album and spent time looking at it. We will have been married 10 years in June. I didn't finish our wedding album until just before our 10th wedding anniversary. Boy that thing took me a lot of work.

I also found pics of my sisters when they were smaller and so very cute. Now, I have photos everywhere and I'm very tired. Hmmm.

At any rate, I hope you all are having better luck finding your stuff than I am.

I should be sleeping

And here are the reasons why:

1) I am tired.

2) I am not doing things I wrote down to do on my list.

3) I am tired

4) I am frustrated because I cannot find something that I have seen recently. Doesn't this make you nuts?

5) I found it rather difficult to drag myself from bed this a.m. and tomorrow only promises to be harder.

6) It's only Monday. Sleep is needed.

I had a plan

But, as usual, my plan and reality did not exactly intersect. I sat down to do my Bible study about 30 minutes ago now, and I have a "small" project to attend to afterward. I reason with myself that I could just "get up early" and do it.

OK, if you have finished laughing, please continue reading.

I'm trying to put my finger on why I love blogging. I think I might miss the art of reporting. Having no one to interview, I question myself and pose the answers to the world of Web.

There are certainly some things I choose not to blog out because I am never quite sure who reads my entries on a regular basis.

This week, my struggle yet again is self-discipline. Beth Moore's study directed us to scriptures a week or so ago that said self-discipline comes as the result of a filling of the Holy Spirit within me. In order to pump up the spirit, things like reading God's word, praying, surrendering to him and letting go are big keys.

I'm not the only one in my Bible study who struggles with the concept of letting go. One of the members had a very nice illustration of it, but I really need the step-by-step manual. Only I think it's a little different for each person.

So, I pose the question to you. What does it truly mean to let go and give it to God? What does true surrender look like? And most importantly, how do you do it day after day after day? Or how do you know when you've done it?

40 minutes!

So, one of our fitness challenges this month was to "zone train" for 40 minutes. I did it tonight. I stayed in my target heart rate for 40 minutes, and I live to tell the story.

God is so faithful. He is the real reason why I am able to stick with this weight loss thing. I don't want to yo-yo forever. I want God's wisdom when it comes to diet and exercise. He has a plan for us, not matter what area of our lives. Isn't that amazing?

Gene and I will have been married for 10 years June 7, 2007. I was thinking that around that time in my life, I was the smallest ever. I was even smaller than my sister, Jenny, who was actually named Jenny at this time. (that's another story)

As we embark on the last few months before this milestone, I want to commit the rest of my weight loss journey to the creator of the universe and ME! It is through his grace and provision that I am able to accomplish this goal. Thank you, Lord.

And, by the way, my youngest sister has joined the quest for fitness. She was shocked to discover tonight that I weigh less than she does. She will catch up in no time though, there's no doubt. And, it's only two pounds anyway :)

Lists

Tonight my dear friend and faithful poster Anna declared to another that I was two weeks behind on my blog. Ha! My last post was Feb. 21. It's only Feb. 28, is it not?

Anyway, I digress. Tonight over a wonderful meal of tacos, my Bible study group got into a spirited discussion of lists and how we use them or fail to use them.

One of the group members feared she would always be mocked from here on out as being a major list-maker. For me to tease her, this would be calling the kettle a bit.

In the last few years, especially with the addition of two boys, I have become increasingly aware of how nuts our culture is. I like lists, but I don't like being a slave to one. There is no such thing as a completed job anymore. The jobs just go on and on and on and on and on.

We all feel the pressure to do more and more each and every day. We need to take a stand!

Speaking of which, I have to run. I should NOT be blogging because I have stack of coursework that absolutely "MUST" be graded tonight.

Toodles.

I'm tired

Today was a long day. We are in the interview process of our search for the perfect chair for the mass media department at Washburn. It's a tough task hiring your own boss. Everything went well today, but the process is a bit draining.

At any rate, I am trying to get myself to bed at a decent rate because that is one of the many "healthy" tasks I am working to implement in my life.

I will tell you now though, I am a night person who hates going to bed. I have been faithfully using all six steps of my face junk (hopefully to lose the stupid two zits that plague me) and even flossing before bed. I hate flossing, but I have sucky gums. At any point, I am not sure why I decided to type this up.

Did I have a point and then forget? I am not sure. It's been a very, very busy week. No time in between things. Appoitments, appointments, etc. I have already worked out twice this week (thankfully) and need to do weights desperately. I hope I get to the gym Friday and Saturday. We will see. The scale this a.m. says I have lost 8 pounds. I am not wanting to step back on in case it was a fluke or something.

Well, I'm off to scrub my face and floss those teeth. Hope you have a terrific day, world.

A challenge from my sister

My sister, Jenny, and I e-mail back and fouth. She has challenged me to a weight-loss competition. And she has a funny streak today. Even though she uses way too many exclamation points, I still love my "poised" sister.

Jenny: You are on. First one to 150 gets to what?

See her e-mail below and my initial one following:

From Jenny:

i've been sick lately, too....we should do this feat together! Maybe we can play a healthy little bet??? Whomever reaches closest, or under 150 pounds by May......would you like to wager? You've got a headstart on me, btw...I'm at 189. But am losing around 2-3 pounds per week! The weather has been a bit deterring, but it's warming up and the snow is finally starting to melt. Sorry I haven't been as windy on e-mail lately...very busy and tired....but I will catch up soon!!!

you have all my sympathy....spending all your life trying to live up to my beauty, talent and poise must be hard, and I sympathize.

hehehheheeh

LOLOLOLOL!!!!

On 2/21/07, Regina Cassell wrote:

Where's my LONG e-mail? What are you doing? I have no water in my office, no money and I am very thirsty! I have lost 8 pounds though, 32 to go! My goal is to weigh 150 by May, and I am at 182 this a.m. Did I tell you my throat also hurts? I need some sympathy.

love always, regina

Exercise

OK, the official word is that I've only lost five pounds, but I don't care. My pants almost fell off in the parking lot last week. yeah, me!

I plan to start my day out tomorrow with yoga and workout Tuesday afternoon.

It's going to be a busy, but great week!

reflection

I went to a funeral this weekend. It was for a man from our church. He was 55 years old, and I was glad to know him. His life though, was littered with poor choices involving drinking, lying and cheating.

After a few of our church members spoke, his daughter summoned up the courage to approach the pulpit herself. It was clear she had something to say, and she started speaking very quietly.

This man, who had been such a blessing to those of us who knew him in the last few years, had not been an ideal father. The pain and rage in this young woman's voice broke my own heart.

She wasn't quite convinced that her father's faith journey was legitimate because he never had the time to truly reconcile with his family. I can't imagine how difficult that would have been to face the people you loved the most in the world honestly, knowing all that you had put them through.

Many who knew him lately believed he was on the right journey to get there, but as his daughter cried out at one point, now she will never know.

She's not sure who to be angry at or what to believe. She wonders why God was able to transform her father when years of her own begging and pleading had fallen on deaf ears.

Oh, I know this woman's pain is long from gone, and I grieve for her. There was a time in my own life when I did not have a good relationship with my own father. I thought he was a mean, hateful jerk who did not care anything about me.

After I gave all of my hurt and frustration to the Lord, the Lord gave my dad and I a new chance. I started praying for my parents as a teen. It was an amazing and joyful moment when there were baptized this past December. And, for many years now I have had the relationship with my father that I had always wanted. I never wanted a perfect father; I already have one of those. But, I did want a relationship with the man who is my dad, just as he is. You have to take all of the good with the bit of bad that is in each and every one of us.

I really don't think it's possible to love people just as they are without a relationship with God. We can try all we like, but family members and even our closest friends are sometimes going to hurt us, disappoint us or even abandon us. We must find the courage to forgive and truly love each other as Christ loves and forgives us. Without Him, I don't see how it's even possible.

If you are believer, pray for Katie. She needs to find Christ.

From the pulpit

Our story for today's sermon can from Exodus. God had freed his people from Egypt, and they were whining because they were hungry. God brought manna and quail for the people to feast on day by day. As he was trying to teach them a very important lesson, they were only to gather enough for each and every day.

Daily dependence on God. I love our pastor. He's young, and it's so obvious that he truly preaches from his heart. It's also obvious that God is with him. The heart of today's message is that faith does not keep. It spoils. You need a fresh batch each and every day. It's not enough to have one hallaluhah moment every six weeks or so. Daily faith builds us up, helps us become more like Christ and deepens our very relationship with our own creator.

Wow. God wants me to walk with him every single day. He doesn't need his own space, and he never tires of spending time with any of us. That's amazing.

I think the key to faith is the Bible. You can talk to God and pray as much as you want, and those are both solid things to do. But, without a regular dose of God's word, you are not going to get a ton out of that experience. God wants to meet with us through his word. Study it for a week and see if I'm right. Just one week. Every single day. Meet with the creator.